Parenting is like being a lifeguard. Are you ready to let your child swim?
How can we start to relax and ensure our child is safe?
Let’s face it no one lives forever and eventually all children must live without their parents. This is less complicated if your child does not have any type of disability. When your child has a disability, you may have had to provide hands on care for years beyond what you imagined and ongoing support. The higher level of support needed increases the level of worrying by the parents providing the care. Thinking long-term can be overwhelming for these parents.
I feel like I can safely say all parents of children with any type of disability have to advocate for their child. This can be exhausting and ongoing. Parenting has so many different stages and transitions. Our first duty as a parent is to find a pediatrician we can trust and connect with. If your child does not have an obvious disability, you may have to go about figuring out what your child needs for their development. As a parent, we typically notice if our child’s development is not on course as expected. Also, it could be a care provider, a family member or the pediatrician that points out some concerns. This is typically where the true advocacy begins for a parent. I worked as a Care Manager for individuals with developmental disabilities for over 12 years, and I heard from countless parents that they felt like they had to fight constantly for everything their child needed. As a Care Manager I provided support, linkage and advocacy and walked with parents through their journey. The advocacy needed for educational services is a huge topic for a later time.
As a child grows and progresses, parents see a gradual transition where a child’s dependency decreases. All children regardless of abilities develop at their own pace and can make strides toward some level of independence. Finding the right supports and services is key if your child has special needs. As a parent, you know your child best. If your child is not meeting their milestones, reach out to your child’s doctor and discuss your concerns. A missed milestone could be a sign of a problem and your child may need additional evaluations. Early intervention is important and reaching out for assistance is crucial. Finding resources, support and professionals early on will make a difference for you and your child. Doing things solo is lonely which can make parenting more stressful and increases your chance of exhaustion.
Parenting is the hardest job any of us will ever experience. Parents must be a lifeguard as their child grows and progresses. The need to respond at a second’s notice is constant. You must be on alert and on duty. For most parents there are moments that are not always pretty. At times like being a lifeguard there are long shifts, boredom, at times demanding, and huge responsibilities. There are also perks to the job where you have rewarding moments and feel like the hero. As a parent or a lifeguard, how do you determine when you can relax a bit and let the child swim independently? Both keep a watchful eye but at times need to take a break. In working with parents with children with disabilities, I helped parents to trust others and let go at certain times.
As a parent of a child with a disability where you have provided so much care and support, how do you go about letting go appropriately? It is crucial to not hold your child back and to encourage as much independence as possible. I oversee an employment program for individuals with disabilities and an important factor for success for the individuals I work with is independence and having confidence in themselves. This is a process and takes time, patience, and lots of support. It is hard when I see potential in individuals to be more independent and parents are unable to give their child that space to grow. I understand because I am a parent. We want to be that lifeguard and keep our children safe, but we also want to see them grow, learn, and swim independently. If you do not feel your child could ever live independently, start early to find services to support you in their care. Many states have in-home services or out of home respite services intended to give the caregiver a break. I commend parents who start this process early. I have seen situations where the parent has died, and their child never had services outside of the home beyond school or a day program. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness as a parent but a show of love for yourself and your child.
A couple key things to remember as a parent is to trust your instincts, seek help, educate yourself about your child’s disability and resources available, and breathe. You are a true hero!
“I empower parents of children with disabilities to boost potential, see possibilities and gain a sense of freedom.” www.biggervisioncoach.com