Preparing your child for the highest level of independence!

Thinking about your child as an adult can be scary. Thinking of them not needing us as parents, is mind boggling! Imagining your child having a job and truly being independent may be so far off. Time flies and children grow and spread their wings and become less dependent, even children with any type of disability. I have worked with children and adults in many different stages of their lives. I have been fortunate to have worked in the field of developmental disabilities for over 30 years . I have directly worked with individuals who have the desire to work and I have directly worked with the agencies that provide crucial vocational services. The key to individuals I work with being successful in employment are a great job match, enough job support, and preparation! We have to ensure they have a safety net but that they also have all the preparation possible to set them up for success! The preparation has to start at home, then spill over to schools and eventually selecting an agency that encourages independence and boosts potential! Setting expectations at home develops independence and confidence. Trust me I’m a parent, and I know doing for our children most times is just easier. Parenting is a lot of work and overwhelming, however, if you do not place expectations on your child early on, they will fight you once you change your expectations. Don’t fret it’s never too late to start. Pick things your child enjoys and can feel success. Maybe your child loves the family dog. Have your child give the dog water, brush him and play with the dog. Have your child help with menu planning and making choices. If they pick peanut butter sandwiches and pretzels for dinner, go with it. As they get older, let your child pick out items in the grocery store. It’s a great opportunity to talk about what we put in our bodies and healthy choices. Give your child as much independence as safely possible. These little things add up to your child feeling confident and to think for themself and make decisions. Children need opportunities to practice decision making to gain self-confidence.

The hardest thing to teach your child is motivation! If we are able to figure this out, the possibilities are endless. Aim to inspire your child, and try not to exert control. Show your child the beauty in an activity and the enjoyment in doing it. Join in on a chore to make it fun but still accomplishing what needs to get done. Let your child choose between activities without pressure. Help your child grasp the worth of doing something. When your child feels a sense of competence, he/she will be more motivated to do an activity. Praise and positive feedback can be helpful. Try not to always give a reward as the child will then expect it. Motivation is driven by extrinsic (doing it for somebody else or something else) and/or intrinsic (passion, self-gratitude) motivation. But think hard about the things that motivate us! No one is typically giving us a reward – it is most likely something we see the benefit of doing it or find true pleasure in it. I am motivated to get up earlier to work out because it makes me feel healthier, gives me energy, and allows me to eat a bit more of what I want. In the employment training program I have overseen, I always tried to figure out what motivated a person to want to work and do a good job. If there was no motivation, it was much more difficult to see success! For some the money was the motivator and for other’s it was pride in having a job!

I also was fortunate enough to work with school districts with young adults that were employed. Many times I was able to observe the students being independent and successful. Their parents were amazed at their level of independence, competence and pride. Many times it was more than these parents ever thought possible. When the expectations were raised, many students were able to step up and show their abilities and potential.

Failure – what a parent won’t do to prevent their child from experiencing this! However, this is how we all learn and grow. Encourage your child to learn from his/her failure instead of giving up. This truly will empower your child. Children learn through trial and error. They need the space to try and fail on their own. Let your child make small mistakes and failures in a safe environment and provide support and encouragement. Point out that it is not that tragic and they can brush it off and move on. Show your child how to do this.

We all make mistakes – especially as a parent! It is the hardest job we will ever have. It is such an important job and we want to get things right. Don’t beat yourself up and remember to show your child your mistakes too! We are human. Our children can forgive us for our shortcomings and we will love them unconditionally even when they make us a little crazy. Remember to appreciate the journey and enjoy each stage. You are doing the best job you can. Breathe………..